What has two thumbs and is a fool... this girl, right here

Hello there beautiful people!

I'm FINALLY getting on my own butt and forcing myself to get out a new blog. My schedule has been freed up since my hours at my job have been whittled down to more than half of what I was getting. Not the best problem to have, but I'm putting my faith in the Lord to see me through it.
 --  Or least, trying my best not to resort to my natural urges and completely freak out on the situation. Which means a total lack of trust in Christ. Not gonna happen, I'm staying diligent and resisting human nature.

A lot has happened in this last month, but the best part is my growth in my relationship with Christ and my overwhelming love for Him.

My self-loathing, something I will always struggle with, is at a lovely low.

I'm putting in all of my effort to love people where they are at. 

The theme for my life in these past couple of weeks is to love my suffering and troubles, because of how much the kingdom can be benefited. And of all of the treasures that I'm building in Heaven. 

"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him." James 1:12

There has been a lot of damaging things going on in the world, as there always has been. I was really struggling through some of them within the last few weeks. Mainly they have been social issues that seemed to be more prevalent in the media and have really separated people. Ultimately, it's all in the political realm and politics have a tendency to completely overwhelm and exhaust me- mind, body, and soul.

Luckily I've been able to get around this issue with the current election coming up because we don't have TV access in our house. I'm not as subjected to the endless commercials and television programs that are no doubt populating most of what is being shown.

 --Thank the Lord for the little miracles. 

But that doesn't mean I'm immune from it in other forms, as well as hearing about it in public, at work, at family functions, or online (I'm talking to you Facebook universe). When some different issues came to light recently, such as the whole Chick-Fil-A debacle, I tried to stay out of it. Really, I did.

Yet somehow I found myself getting so upset over all of the chatter, no matter what side was being supported or crapped on. Being me and doing what I do best, freaked out and had my own little rant session on Facebook.

Throughout our whole lives, especially as strong, independent Americans, we are taught to stand up for what is right (or what we believe is right), told to fight for the little guys, that our opinion matters. And while that is true, please know I am in support of helping out others, I feel like that can be taken too far. We can lose sight of what is actually right (or true), just to get out our own opinion. But my own opinions and preferences can cause me to fall away from what is right (or ultimately good and just), solely because I have that all consuming urge to be right. To be heard.

Yes, I understand the irony of writing this in a blog. Feel free to chuck tomatoes at me if at any point I start to sound high and mighty.

What I'm trying to say is that in this case, regarding my own political and personal beliefs, I tend to get the idea that I've got the answers. I know the truth, and for people to go against any of it is lunacy. Often times I've thought to myself, "How can they be so stupid to believe that?!?!?!?"

"A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion." Proverbs 18:2

But that is where I am the fool. At church, the phrase, "die to your preferences" gets thrown around a lot. To the untrained ear, it might sound a little weird. I believe I've heard it described under the term, 'christianese'. Who am I to tell anyone that? Believe me, I have no authority in any way to anyone. The way I was raised, to yield to someone who told me that/tried to control me was going to get the ole' heave-ho from my life.

"A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back." Proverbs 29:11

I respect authority, oh truly I do. I am beyond blessed that my parents basically forced that lesson down my throat from even before I can remember. On the flip side, I learned from the world that no one was going to hold me down. Don't you know that I'm a strong, independent woman of the modern age. No one puts baby in a corner (right Bear Grills ;-)...).

I've had to retrain my brain and read of lot of scripture to truly understand what it means to die to my preferences. But when the truth of that statement finally hit me, not like a lightning bolt (I'm slow to warm), I realized that submitting to authority, not just to Christ but within my church, was like lifting a weight off of my shoulders.

Putting it into practice has served me well. My whole attitude and demeanor in everything I do makes me happy to be as humble as I can. It's inevitable that I'll have to do things that may hurt like hell but are ultimately the best thing for me.

That is the only way I can grow. 

Broken down only to be picked up and made stronger.

Think of it like building a muscle.

This lesson was the hardest for me to learn earlier this year in my personal life. Until it finally sunk in, I was the biggest fool of all. When all people around me, who loved and cared for me, were just trying to tell me the truth. You can't have grace without some hard truths. Not completely.

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it" Hebrews 12:13

Love you Daddy-o

The other day I was talking to my dad about where I find myself these days with my general outlook on people. Based on a lot of reading/praying/getting advice from people I trust/overall life experience, I was telling him how I now try to approach my interactions others. I looked at the a few different sections of my life, which have all had different extremes in personality and viewpoint of life, the world, and humanity.

When I was a kid, growing up in the church, I knew the stories of the bible. But ultimately until I knew about eternal salvation and life in Christ, I was clueless. My attitude was always very upbeat and life seemed idyllic, especially in my view of people. I honestly thought the absolute best of people... to a fault. No one could do any wrong. Everyone was a future friend.

As my mom called it, I was so outgoing I could talk to a fence post and be friends with it.

Switch to my high school years as a typical angst-y and annoying teenager. The reality of people's ability to truly hurt me set in, it snowballed out of control. I was at a loss to understand how others could take advantage of me and not care about the effect. It really only got worse those four awful years.
Mesh that together with the darkest years of my life, dealing with my parents separation/divorce. No one could be trusted. Never again could anyone do any good in my eyes. I was one of the most cynical people you could find.

But now I look at both sides of the coin.

I am striving to get back to that upbeat kid who loved everyone, just not oblivious to how people can be. I see and acknowledge the sinful nature of everyone. Where I used to see nothing but hurt, pain, and a total unwillingness to trust anyone past a certain point, I can meet people where they are at. To know that everyone has a past, they sin and do wrong, yet still appreciate what can come out of it. For redemption is possible. I know this truth better than anything in my life. I am living it.


That's about it for now.

I found a verse today that I have heard several times but still gets me every time I come across it.

For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. Philippians 1: 21

And that, my friends, is beautiful.

God Bless.