Frustration, you are my constant companion as of late.
Recently, I've gotten it into my head that I was once again going to finally get into a good health/workout routine that would segue itself into a permanent lifestyle change. But that pesky brick wall of pain and pain... and more pain, is smashing it's way into my soft, gelatinous, out of shape excuse of a body.
I get these notions of fancy, good ways to improve my life, and get the itch to attack it head on with epic whims of kick-assness, but all it ends up doing is giving me a back ache, a sore-loser bad attitude, and staying under the covers eating lots of fast food during binge sessions of Netflix.
This is a bad pattern, but an ever revolving one in my life.
So my latest attempt to get back on the horse (so to speak) was kick started by my accepting a job offer/promotion at my job, where I will be working in the Health Market Department, causing me to instantly come out of a minor bout of being totally bummed out (or what some might called a mild case of depression) because I was struggling for over 2 years to find a full time job. Add on to that a remembered promise to some friends to run in a 7k race this fall, preparation to be a bridesmaid my best friend's wedding in January, having my 10-year reunion next summer, a general desire that I've held onto for 4 or 5 years to actually do the Hy-Vee triathalon, and basically the fact that I have just started feeling a change in body that makes it harder to do the things I used to do without any thought or difficulties. Ultimately, I'm getting older and I can feel the hammer coming down hard, if I don't do anything about it.
But what really brings me down to reality are the times like I had last Friday, when I went to a free yoga session with a friend who invited me, and the results that came from that. I grew up a dancer and an athlete, I could do things with my body that would make people's eyes nearly pop out of their heads. I have many vivid memories from my days in workout sessions or dance classes of being the most flexible person in the room, seeing how far I could push myself and how easily it came to me. But I so often forget that high school was over 10 years ago for me, that I was a different person and that I worked out multiple times a day.
When you let a decade pass by without much change in environment or activity, things are bound to have a different outcome.
The fact that the yoga session felt like a torture session on my whole being, that I could no longer touch my nose to the ground with my legs out in front of me, that my once rock solid core was more like a bowl full of jelly, that my legs would shake when putting a little bit of pressure when lifting the other one up, put me to shame, it was more of an exercise of killing my ego. No, I am no longer that 17 year old rag doll who could push myself to the limit, and then see how much farther I could go, and probably get there.
But it's a good lesson, because now really use this ego slam and start fresh. Honestly, in times like these, like my stretching session today, I can become a blank slate and start to build up. I may be left laying on the floor in a puddle of sweat and regret, every day should get me closer to my goal.
Hopefully I will have better discernment and stick with it, I just have to keep at it. Day by day.
Come November, that race shall be mine.
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